


Shirabu's Weaknesses

by cattermcfatter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Some Plot, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28447020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cattermcfatter/pseuds/cattermcfatter
Summary: There were too many things wrong with Shirabu recently. He was constantly forgetting to eat and was losing sleep from stress of getting bad grades and finals.He knew it worried his teammates when they saw his tired eyes and thin frame, but he couldn’t help it.It probably worried Ushijima the worst. Even though he struggled with emotions, he was constantly reminding Shirabu to eat and always trying to get him to take breaks.Now though, it was as if his whole team felt the exact same way as Ushijima. All of them were now always telling him to eat and rest, like annoying alarm clocks.But they had a good reason for it.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> open to constructive criticism

There were too many things wrong with Shirabu recently. He was constantly forgetting to eat and was losing sleep from stress of getting bad grades and finals.

He knew it worried his teammates when they saw his tired eyes and thin frame, but he couldn’t help it.

It probably worried Ushijima the worst. Even though he struggled with emotions, he was constantly reminding Shirabu to eat and always trying to get him to take breaks.

Now though, it was as if his whole team felt the exact same way as Ushijima. All of them were now always telling him to eat and rest, like annoying alarm clocks.

But they had a good reason for it.

____________________________

Shirabu was so exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate or slept.

Coach Washijo was making him do setting drills, while everyone else hit his sets.  
His arms felt like they were on fire, even though on most days he could do this with ease.

Today surely wasn’t his day. On top of having a somewhat lousy practice, he felt as if he did horribly on his English test today.

A ball hit the floor.

Shirabu was too caught up in his own thoughts to realize the coach had tossed him another ball to set.

“If you’re going to be lazy and not move your ass, I’ll just make Semi the setter!” Washijo yelled at him.

“I’m just tired, I’ll do better..” Shirabu mumbled, not even looking at the coach. He didn’t know why, but he felt as if he was going to pass out.

For some odd reason, Coach Washijo just stared at him with an strange look, before nodding.

After Coach Washijo was satisfied with the sets and hits, he made the boys all do 6 vs 6.

Shirabu was struggling, Ushijima had been put on the other team, making it hard for the backrow to get an even somewhat good pass, causing Shirabu to run all over the court so they could score a point.

Shirabu’s body couldn’t take it anymore. After Reon and him did a block, as he landed back on his feet his vision began to go dark and he started swaying on his feet.

He could hear Reon asking him something vague. Probably something along the lines, “Are you okay?” but he just couldn’t find the energy to answer back.

Shirabu fell, knees buckling and finally passing out.

____________________________

When Shirabu awoke, he was met with the white sheets of the Shiratorizawa Nurse’s Office. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, getting up and walking towards curtains slowly.

He pulled back the curtain that separated the beds, glancing out into the open space.

“Nurse?” Shirabu grimaced at his own voice. It sounded dry and too soft. He quickly cleared his throat.

There was the sound of a chair being rolled back, and a young nurse poked her head around the corner, eyes lighting up when she saw Shirabu was up.

“Oh, you’re awake!” She said, getting up and approaching him. “Think you could sit down for me, darling?”

Shirabu just nodded awkwardly, going back to sit down on the bed.

“I just need you to answer a few questions for me, okay?” The nurse grabbed a clipboard and a pen.

Another nod from Shirabu.

“Great, so do you know where you are?” The nurse’s voice was sweet and soft, clearly trying to seem as calming as possible.

“Uhm, Shiratorizawa’s Nurse’s Office.” Shirabu was starting to remember why he was here now.

“Yup, so do you know what happened?”

“I passed out at volleyball practice.” Shirabu knew why it happened.

“Exactly, from what I gathered, you passed out due to exhaustion and malnutrition,” The nurse’s voice sounded concerned, “Could you tell me what you’ve eaten today and how much sleep you normally get?”

Shirabu wasn’t shocked, he knew he wasn’t exactly the best at taking care of himself, “Sure.. uhm, today I’ve eaten some rice, the grilled fish served in the cafeteria, and er- that’s it.”

Shirabu felt awkward saying that, and once he said it aloud, it was obvious to him how little the portions were.

The nurse just nodded, scribbling that down, “Now how much sleep do you get on average?”

“About 3-6 hours, but on the weekends I do sleep a bit more..” Shirabu felt horrible, the effect of practicing too much catching up to him.

“It makes sense as to why you passed out with how poorly you take care of yourself. I’d recommend eating bigger breakfasts with carbs and protein, for lunch try to eat more of what the cafeteria serves you, and for breakfast make sure to include fiber, along with, of course, more protein and carbs.”

Shirabu was overwhelmed with the amount of information he was suddenly given.

“As for the sleeping habits of yours, if you have trouble sleeping, try to drink herbal teas and take some time to calm down before bed. I’d recommend going to bed earlier if you’re staying up late doing homework or studying. It’s easier to do work when you aren’t exhausted from having a stressful day.”

Shirabu nodded, making a mental note to himself to do all those things.

“Uhm, thank you for the tips. I’ll be sure to use them,” Shirabu said, going to stand up, “Oh, can I leave now..?”

The nurse laughed, “Seems like you’re eager to get to your dorm, huh?”

Shirabu’s eyes widened, not meaning to be disrespectful, “No, I just-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Yeah, you’re free to go!” The nurse waved her hands, a playful smile still on her face.

Shirabu glanced around the room, finding his things placed on a chair nearby.

“Oh, I forgot! If this happens again, I will have to contact your parents, Shirabu.”

Shirabu was confused that she didn’t contact his parents, even if it was his first time, “I’ll make sure it won’t.”

The nurse just nodded, “Now shoo, go back to your dorm! I’m sure your friends are worried about you.”

Shirabu nodded.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Mrs…” Shirabu quickly realized he didn’t know her name.

“Oh, I’m Mrs. Aoki! I completely forgot to tell you.”

“Well thank you for taking care of me Mrs. Aoki.”

Shirabu stood up, bowing to Mrs. Aoki before going to retrieve his belongings.

As he gathered up his stuff, he started to feel guilty about having to leave practice early, and probably making his team worry about him.

He quickly brushed it off though. Shirabu would just have to make it up to his team tomorrow.

____________________________

Shirabu walked quickly into the common room entrance. He was hoping that if managed to walk quickly enough to his dorm room, he wouldn’t have to deal with his teammates prying him about what happened at practice.

His wishes, however, were crushed.

“Shirabuuuuu, where are you going?”

Shirabu finally noticed Tendou looking at him from the kitchen entrance, head resting in his hands as he leaned against the countertop.

“I’m going to go lay down Tendou-san, I'm tired.” Shirabu came up with that excuse on the spot.

Even though he had been exhausted during the walk to the dorms, the second he entered the common area it was as if his nerves were set aflame. In all honesty, he just didn’t feel like answering his teammates' questions and deal with their concern.

The rest of the team that was in the dorm kitchen noticed what Tendou had said, and were now turning to look at Shirabu.

“Does Shirabu not want to talk about what happened?” Tendou asked curiously, tilting his head to the side as his trademark smile faltered a bit.

Reon and Semi were glaring at him silently, and he shivered a bit.

“You need to eat dinner, anyways, Shirabu.” Ushijima pointed out, focused on making healthy food for the team.

Shirabu huffed slightly, but since Ushijima pointed out and he wanted to be respectful to his upperclassmen, he entered the kitchen, going to sit down at the dining table.

It was silent for a moment, Goshiki breaking it quickly.

“So, er- why’d you pass out?” Goshiki was genuinely concerned, which shocked Shirabu because of how they acted towards each other.

Shirabu just stared at the table intently before mumbling, “Y’know, reasons..”

He was trying to be as vague as possible, already exhausted again from his teammates' concern.

“What reasons, though?” It seems as if Reon wasn’t dealing with Shirabu’s act.

Shirabu started fiddling with his fingers, twisting them and pulling on them from nerves before practically whispering, “Malnutrition and exhaustion..”

“None of us could hear you, say it louder,” Semi’s tone was soft, “please.”

Usually Semi would’ve been harsh and annoyed, but he could see how nervous Shirabu was.

Shirabu, suddenly feeling brave blurted out, “Malnutrition and exhaustion.”

For a moment it was dead silent, everyone looking at him with concern. Ushijima had stopped cooking to turn around and look at him, eyes full of worry, and Tendou’s smile had disappeared completely off his face. He was painfully aware of his teammates' wide eyes, and he felt so, so tired.

Ushijima was the one to break the silence, saying, “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I’m trying, it’s just- I’ve been so stressed out from schoolwork and volleyball I forget to eat and stuff.”

Shirabu always had a hard time explaining things about himself. He was awkward when the time came to share something he likes or knows, not feeling comfortable knowing all the attention was on him.

“Would us reminding you help?” Goshiki pondered out loud, going to rest his head on his hand.

“You don’t need to do that,” Shirabu snapped, suddenly feeling defensive, “I’ll take better care of myself.”

“You said you forget to eat, though. Wouldn’t it be easier if all of us remind you?” Reon pointed out.

“No, it’s-”

Tendou interrupted Shirabu, “I have an idea!”

Tendou looked at Shirabu with his trademark smile again, “Why don’t we all just start having our meals together, as a team, so you don’t have to worry about remembering to eat?”

Ushijima nodded, “That is a good idea, Satori, it could also help our team bond more.”

Shirabu just sighed before nodding, “Alright then.”

It seemed as if they weren’t going to talk about the lack of sleep he was getting, then.

“Also, you’re going to bed earlier, Shirabu.” Ushijima said.

Shirabu flinched. So they weren’t going to ignore that part of what he said earlier.

Ushijima turned back around, going to finish cooking. For a moment again, it was silent again, before they slowly went back to having conversations with each other.

Whenever dinner was ready, the rest of the team came into the kitchen, going to sit down at the dining table.

Everyone that wasn’t in the kitchen before took note of Shirabu being back from the nurse’s office.

“So, what happened?” Yamagata questioned, staring at Shirabu with concern.

Shirabu sighed, having to repeat himself was so tiring, “I passed out from malnutrition and exhaustion, but, uh- it’s fine.”

Yamagata frowned, “I’m pretty sure that isn’t fine.”

“Well, it really isn’t, but I’m just going to start eating with the team.”

“Oh, okay.” Yamagata mumbled, nodding to himself before asking, “So are we all going to eat together now?”

Tendou nodded eagerly, going to help Ushijima move the cooked food to the table, “I thought of the idea myself.”

“Oh, nice.”

As the food was placed onto the table, Shirabu realized that he genuinely felt hungry. Now that he wasn’t distracted with homework and volleyball he found it easier to know what his body wanted.

Everyone slowly gathered food onto their plates, passing things down so everyone could get what they wanted.

“Itadakimasu.” The teammates murmured in usion.

As they dug in Semi told Shirabu, “You need to find a way to deal with stress.”

Semi was right, but Shirabu didn’t want to inflate Semi’s ego telling him that. He did it anyways, though, “I know, I know..”

“Maybe get a stress ball or something,” Reon suggested, “My younger brother uses them.”

“Mh, maybe I’ll try it out.” Shirabu mumbled, feeling drowsy. After lifting some food up to his mouth with his chopsticks he yawned.

After that dinner was rather uneventful. The team had mindless chit-chat with each other, mostly making plans for tomorrow and what-not.

When the time came for Shirabu to retreat to his dorm, he found himself ready to collapse onto his bed.

He did not immediately fall asleep on his as he hoped to, but instead studied and did homework for the rest of the night. When Shirabu felt as if he studied enough and his homework would get a good grade, he decided to start getting ready for bed.

Shirabu changed into pajamas and brushed his teeth. While he was putting his schoolwork into his bookbag for the next day, he glanced at the clock, seeing it was 10:48.

He definitely needed to go to bed now.

Shirabu switched off the lights, getting under the covers. As Shirabu closed his eyes, he took deep, calming breaths, remembering what Mrs. Aoki told him to do before bed.

Turns out it was actually helpful, because he soon he was fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another opportunity to make Shirabu suffer. :')

Shirabu woke up at around 7:15, feeling groggy and disoriented. He had woken up later than normal, which was odd.

He got up and stretched, feeling his back crack. Shirabu sighed deeply, going to wash his face and brush his teeth in the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, Shirabu looked at himself in the mirror

He looked like a mess.

There were dark circles under his eyes even though he got over 8 hours of sleep last night and his hair was all over the place. Once he finished brushing his teeth, he splashed cold water on his face, trying to wake up.

As Shirabu walked back into his bedroom, he stretched his arms some before going to his closet and getting out his uniform. He stared at it for a few moments, not wanting to get ready.

Shirabu sighed, slowly peeling off his pajamas and putting the clothes on before going to look in the mirror. He stared at himself for a few moments, grabbing his comb and brushing his tangled hair.

When he was done he grabbed his schoolbag, double checking it to make sure everything he needed was in there before leaving his room and entering the hall.

Shirabu walked to the common area rather slowly, dreading to see his teammates after what happened yesterday.

Lucky for him though, only Ushijima, Tendou and Reon were there.

Tendou grinned at Shirabu, “You want some toast?”

“No, I’m not hungry.” He responded, not giving the offering any thought, “Uh- thank you for the offer though.” Shirabu was trying his hardest to be respectful.

“Are you sure, Shirabu?” Ushijima was staring at him with a blank face, “Lunch is rather late in the day.”

Shirabu thought about it for a second. Ushijima was right, and he did feel hungry, but he didn’t feel like eating.

He nodded his head, “I’m sure, Ushijima-san.”

Ushijima pursed his lips, “I will make you something anyways,” Seems as if he wasn’t taking no for an answer then, “If you do not eat it, that is fine.”

Shirabu sighed before nodding again, too tired to argue the point any further.

____________________________

_10:35- Physical Education_

Shirabu realized that he wasn’t struggling as much as he usually does in P.E. He had to do sit-ups a couple of minutes ago, and it was much easier than normal.

He figured it was from eating breakfast for the first time in a while.

As he thought about his Social Studies test that was next period, he kept his eyes trained on his partner- his name was Arata or something- do sit ups. Shirabu was holding his feet down, making sure he did them properly.

He got lost in his train of thought, and Shirabu started to nod off, head dropping slightly as his eyes started to drift closed.

“You good, dude?” Arata asked him, slightly breathless and still doing sits ups.

Shirabu’s head snapped up, shocked that he almost fell asleep, “I- yeah, I’m fine.”

Arata just nodded, “If you feel sick or something, tell Mr.Taoko.” Arata’s voice became softer, “He’ll let you sit out for the next thing we do.”

Shirabu shook his head, “I’m good.”

“Okay then..”

From afar, as Taichi held his partners feet he gazed intently at Shirabu, noticing the whole situation that just happened. A frown grew on his face, and Taichi turned back to look at his partner.

He was going to voice his concern to Ushijima later.

____________________________

_12:45- Lunch_

Shirabu entered the cafeteria unhurried, covering his mouth as he yawned.

Even though he was sure he got almost every answer right on the Social Studies test, there was a tight feeling of nervousness that gathered in his chest, weighing him down.

Shirabu entered the line for lunch, noticing he was behind Reon. He stared at Reon’s back for a moment before leaning his head against it, tired and grumpy.

Reon glanced back at him before chuckling, “Tired?”

“Mh..” was all Shirabu responded with, not even attempting to form proper sentences or words.

Reon shuffled forward a bit with the line, but slowly so that Shirabu could also move and keep his head on his back, "Your body is probably just not used to sleeping so much."

Shirabu groans, grumbling something unintelligible before saying, “I’m so tired, maybe I should just sleep for lunch.”

Reon shook his head, “Nope, you need to eat.”

As they reached the end of the line, Shirabu straightened up, not leaning on Reons back anymore.

They both grabbed trays, swiping their student cards against a machine that charged them money.

Reon and Shirabu parted ways with a quiet, “See you later.”

Reon going to sit with other 3rd years in his class, and Shirabu going to sit with Tenodu, Ushijima, and Semi. Shirabu had no other people to sit with since he had no friends.

Shirabu sat down, placing his tray on the table before yawning again.

Tendou smiled, “Is someone feeling sleepy?”  
“Shut up, I’m fine.” Shirabu huffed, he felt as if Tendou was treating him like a little kid.

“Whatever you say, Shirabu.” Tendou said, amused at how easy it was to get Shirabu irritated.

Shirabu glared at him for a moment while pulling out a notebook from his book bag.

“What are you doing?” Semi questioned him, looking at the notebook in confusion.

Shirabu rolled his eyes, “I’m studying for a science quiz,” He opened the notebook, finding the page he should be reviewing, “If that wasn’t obvious enough.”

“You should eat first.” Ushijima told him, “Your health comes over grades.”

Shirabu shook his head, “It’s fine, I’ll eat in a minute.”

But as Shirabu became focused on his studying, he forgot about the food that was placed in front of him.

Lunch had ended and Shirabu threw away the untouched food, returning the tray before heading off to science class.

Semi frowned when he saw Shirabu throwing away food that he should’ve eaten. He would have to talk to the younger boy later, he decided.

____________________________

_2:25- Free Period_

Shirabu was walking back to his homeroom so he could take a nap when he was stopped by Semi.

“Can I talk to you?” Semi asked, gripping Shirabu’s arm rather tight.

Shirabu glanced down at Semi’s hand before back up into his eyes, “Fine.” Shirabu sighed, “Make it quick, I’m tired.”

Semi cleared his throat, “I don’t think that you need to study that much,” He let go of Shirabu’s arm, “and I don’t understand why you stress over grades so much when you’re so smart.”

Confusion made its way across Shirabu’s face as he asked, “That’s what you interrupted me for?” Shirabu scoffed, “You’re making me miss my nap for this?”

Semi sighed, “I’m just saying,” He quickly tried to explain, not wanting to make Shirabu more irritated, “You don’t need to worry and study so much.”

Shirabu rolled his eyes, “It’s fine.” Then he spoke quieter, almost under his breath, “Not like you would understand the importance of studying.”

“I understand,” Semi snapped, “I just don’t see why you need to study day and night like your life depends on it.”

“Because, my parents-” Shirabu stopped himself, looking extremely annoyed, “Just drop it.”

“No-”

“It’s not harming you, so why can’t you just drop it?” Shirabu’s voice was rising, starting to get frustrated again.

Semi raised his hands up in surrender, “Alright, alright.” he sighed, “I’ll drop it.”

“Good.” Shirabu said, suddenly sounding drained, “I think I’m going to go..”

“Right-” Semi stood there awkwardly, watching Shirabu walk away, “I’ll talk to you later..”

Shirabu didn’t respond, only continuing to make his way back to his homeroom.

Semi chewed on his lip nervously, his concern for the younger boy growing.

Maybe he would talk to Ushijima later..

With Ushijima and Taichi

Ushijima and Tendou were hanging out in an empty classroom, Tendou excitedly talking about this new T.V show that just aired.

“It was so cool,” Tendou said, eyes lit up, “I don’t know how they even make a cake that tall.”

The classroom door creaked open a bit, and the pair turned to look at the person entering.

Taichi’s head poked through the door, glancing in and finally finding Ushijima.

“Ushijima-san,” Taichi started, approaching the pair, “I need to talk to you about something..”

Ushijima nodded, “What is it, Taichi?”

Taichi started fiddling with his fingers then cleared his throat, “It’s about Shirabu.”

Tendou turned to look at him with wide, curious eyes, “Oh?”

____________________________

_4:10- After School/Volleyball Practice_

Shirabu entered the locker room quickly, not bothering to glance at who was in the room.

He was so done with the day, his mood having been sour since his talk with Semi.

Shirabu opened his locker, fumbling with the lock a few times before he had been able to open it. As he was pulling off his shirt, he heard footsteps approaching him.

He didn’t bother to look, just snapping at the person when they were right beside him, “What do you want?”

“I- uh, I wanted to ask if you were okay.” Goshiki mumbled nervously, playing with his shirt nervously, “Are you okay?”

Shirabu rolled his eyes, “Of course I’m fine,” He was starting to get annoyed at everyone asking him that, “Stop asking stupid questions.”

Goshiki frowned, protesting, “It isn’t stupid to ask someone how they feel!”

“Yes it is.”

“No it isn’t!”

_“Yes it is.”_

“No-” Goshiki was interrupted by Shirabu.

“Just shut up, Goshiki,” Shirabu snapped, annoyed, “Go away.”

Goshiki huffed before turning around and storming away, annoyed too.

Shirabu quickly changed, afterwards slamming his locker door shut. He took a moment to calm himself before resting his head against the cool metal that was his locker.

Suddenly, he felt hands clasping his shoulders, “I knew someone was sleepy~” Tendou said, happy knowing he was right.

“Shut up.”

“But I’m right!”

Shirabu sighed, shoulders slumping forward as he banged his head against the locker. He was too tired to argue now.

Shirabu swore he was going to have a breakdown if one more person on his team mentioned that he was tired or didn’t seem okay.

Tendou seemed to get the message, taking his hands off his shoulders and walking away quietly.

Shirabu shook his arms, trying to wake himself up.

Normally, Shirabu wouldn’t care about how exhausted he looked or felt, but when people start noticing it- noticing him- he feels too exposed. His goal as a setter and as a person is to stand out the least, to be unseen by all the prying eyes.

Maybe he was too caught up in his thoughts, but it seemed as if practice started much earlier than normal.

While the team was setting up the net, Coach Washijou said, “Shirabu,” He sounded angry, “I need to talk to you.”

Shirabu nodded, dropping the antennas and making his way over to him, “What do you need?” Shirabu’s whole body was stiff, and he was ready to be scolded.

Coach Washijou huffed, “I don’t know what happened yesterday, Shirabu, but if that happens again I will not hesitate to replace you with Semi.”

Shirabu nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.

“I cannot have one of my starters passing out regularly, understand?”

“Yes Coach.” Shirabu was mumbling now, and he was fiddling with his hands.

“Good, now go help the others set up the net.”

As Shirabu walked away, Coach Washijou whispered under his breath, “And take better care of yourself, kid.”

Aside from his little hiccup with Coach Washijou, Shirabu felt that practice went pretty well. Though there was one thing Shirabu noticed he was struggling with.

Getting to the ball.

When they had done 6 vs 6 at practice, Ushijima had been placed on the other team, causing the backrow to have trouble even touching the ball, let alone get it up in the air. This made Shirabu run all over the place, and well, sometimes his feet just didn’t move, already exhausted.

Coach Washijou didn’t point it out though, showing the boy one of his few kindnesses.

Practice ended with no tension and the exhausted team members made their way back to the dorms.

“I suggest that we go get food from the cafeteria since all of us are too tired to make our own food.” Ushijima pointed out, taking off his shoes and slipping on his slippers.

“Sure.” and, “Okay.” were all the other boys said.

“We should all change, maybe shower, and meet back here at,” Ushijima glanced at the clock in the common area, “7:30ish.”

As the team went off to their separate dorms, Shirabu sighed.

‘Maybe I should just go to sleep.’ Shirabu thought, ready to collapse onto his bed.

He looked at his phone, the lock screen reading 7:13. Shirabu had time for a quick shower.

The shower was over so quickly that Shirabu felt worried that he didn’t clean himself enough. After all, it was only 7:24.

Shirabu dried himself off, grabbing another towel to use on his hair. He put some fresh clothes on, still toweling at his hair.

Shirabu had always hated wet hair, the feeling of a wet shirt and back making him feel uncomfortable.

Once he felt like his hair was acceptably dry, he looked at himself in the mirror, styling his hair some and adjusting his clothes.

7:28.

He should probably get going now.

Shirabu walked over to his door, swiftly opening and shutting it.

When he got to the common area, only Taichi was there. Until someone showed up, it was awkward since the pair didn’t acknowledge each other, just standing in tense silence.

Tendou and Ushijima showed up together, then Reon, Semi following suit, Kai and Goshiki, and lastly Yamagata.

“I’m sorry for being late!” Yamagata apologized, bowing.

“It is fine, Yamagata,” Ushijima reassured the other 3rd year, “None of us are going to die from having to wait 2 minutes.”

Yamagata nodded, straightening up and going to talk with Reon and Semi.

A minute later, they all headed to the cafeteria.

____________________________

_Dinner_

Shirabu had been staring at the food on his tray for the past 20 minutes.

It just looked so unappealing to his tired addled brain, and he was kind of distracted by Semi.

From the moment he sat down to now, he had been talking to Shirabu, and it was hard to tune him out when he was so loud and persistent. Semi was acting as if nothing happened during the Free Period.

And there it was again, that tight feeling of nervousness in his chest, weighing him down. Shirabu didn’t know what it was from, but it was a pain.

“And then she wrote that free-verse poem trash talking you!” Semi said, laughing at the memory, “Remember?”

Shirabu stared at him before commenting, “How could I forget?” He would’ve laughed but he was too tired.

It was silent for a moment.

“You good?” Semi asked him, worry drifting across his face.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

Semi frowns, “You’ve been saying that a lot.”

“Because I am!” Shirabu snapped, annoyed with how persistent Semi is. “I’m going to bed.”

“Wait-” Semi tried, but he had already gotten up.

Shirabu threw away the food on his tray before returning it. He briskly left the cafeteria, flat-faced and exhausted.

As Shirabu walked down the halls he felt more waves of exhaustion roll over his body. He rubbed at his eyes, staring at awards and posters that adorned the walls while strolling to his dorm room.

Shirabu walked past the common area, down the hallway and entered his dorm room.

The only thing he did after that was turn off the lights before collapsing on the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers.

_With Team_

“We need to talk about Shirabu.” Semi said, voice laced with concern as he watched Shirabu exit the cafeteria.

“Oh, like a pep talk?” Tendou questioned, his usual smile still on his face but his eyes filled with curiosity and slight concern.

“No-” Semi sighed. “I mean like give him tips on how to deal with stress or something.”

Ushijima set down his chopsticks, “Since we do not have volleyball practice after school tomorrow, we could talk to him then.”

The rest of the team nodded.

Yamagata spoke up, “I know some things about managing stress, so tomorrow I could talk to him about that..?”

“As do I.” Reon said, glancing at Yamagata after, “We could both tell him some tips tomorrow.”

Yamagata nodded, giving him a smile.

“We’ll figure these things out fully tomorrow.” Ushijima was going to stand up, grabbing his tray, “I suggest we go to sleep early.”

Everyone else gave various statements of, “Okay.” and, “Alright.”

They were ready for tomorrow.

____________________________

_Taichi- 11:29_

The door to Shirabu’s door creaked open slightly.

Taichi glanced in, checking up on Shirabu and finding him fast asleep.

A slight smile grew on his usually emotionless face as he noticed the tired boy hadn’t even bothered to get under the covers.

Taichi closed the door quietly, walking back into the common area where Ushijima and Tendou were talking.

“He’s asleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter is d o n e  
> enjoy  
> if you have any criticism let me know


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello children i am sorry for the wait  
> i have decided to upload on wednesdays and saturdays  
> im trying to make them all longer due to the less frequent uploads so hhh  
> enjoy though <3

_ 6:45 - Morning _

Shirabu awoke with a groan. He felt refreshed, more energized than he did most days. The only thing he dreaded currently, was getting up. 

He was getting his Social Studies test back today and he wasn’t thrilled.

Shirabu got up anyway, making his way to the bathroom, yawning as he did so. 

Shirabu rubbed at his eyes. 

He had gotten up earlier for a breakfast the whole team had together every Friday. In Shirabu’s eyes, it was kind of like a congratulations for making it through the week.

Shirabu applied toothpaste onto his toothbrush before shoving it into his mouth, suddenly angry at the fact he had to wake up early on a  _ Friday _ . 

Usually, he wouldn’t have been annoyed at this, but these past few days his emotions have been weird.

Thoughts wandering around, Shirabu suddenly realized that he didn’t finish his math homework last night. He dropped his toothbrush, quickly washing out his mouth before practically racing into his room.

He grabbed his bag and opened it, ruffling through the contents of it, trying to find it- his bag wasn’t even that big! 

Finally, Shirabu found it. He grabbed it and slammed it onto his desk. He opened the binder and was greeted with the site of an incomplete math paper in his front folder.

Shirabu paled, quickly sitting down. 

Glancing up at the clock Shirabu realized that if he didn’t get ready right now he was going to be late for their breakfast. 

Shirabu chewed on his lip, pondering his options. He could skip breakfast and get a somewhat okay grade on his homework, or he could go and get an even worse grade.

Deciding to take the first option, Shirabu went to grab a pencil from his bag before an idea popped into his head. 

_ He could just ask Ushijima to help him out. _

Shirabu got up quickly, shoving his paper back inside his binder before putting it back into his bag.

He rushed over to the closet, grabbing his uniform and throwing the clothing onto the bed. Shirabu changed as fast as he could without looking like he just survived a tornado.

Not bothering to check how he looked, Shirabu grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and running out the door. 

Shirabu was never the best at math. He could never fully grasp the concepts that were presented to him in class, causing him to take forever when doing the problems on his homework.

And now he was stuck in this position. 

Shirabu ran down the hall and into the common area. The second he entered it he stopped running and walked instead, not wanting to seem desperate or late.

He entered the kitchen, trying to look as calm as possible. “Ushijima-san.”

His eyes glanced over at the table, finding Ushijima seated with Tendou. Shirabu approached him, chewing on the inside of his cheek now, embarrassed about what he was about to do.

Ushijima turned to look at him, “Yes, Shirabu?”

“Could you er- help me with my math homework?” Shirabu mumbled, a blush rising on his cheeks.

Ushijima nodded, “Of course,” There was a snicker from someone at the table and Shirabu turned to glare at whoever did it, but couldn’t find out who it was. “Let me see it, please.”

It was Shirabu’s turn to nod, “Okay.” He went to sit down by Ushijima, handing him the paper.

Ushijima slowly looked through the pages before looking back at him, “What do you need help with?”

“Only problems 24, 27, and 28..” Shirabu managed to get out, embarrassed beyond belief now.

“Shirabu actually needs help?” Tendou asked, a wide smile on his face as he leaned over to look at Shirabu past Ushijima. 

“S-Shut up.” Shirabu snapped, “This is the first and final time it will ever happen.” Shirabu turned his attention back to Ushijima, “The rest I can do on my own.”

Ushijima looked up at him, going to explain the problems.

After awhile, Yamagata finished cooking breakfast.

Every week, someone different on the team had to make breakfast. The first time Shirabu had to cook, he had downright refused, and after being forced to do so anyways he made a terrible tasting breakfast. He had eaten it himself, and to this day he can taste the burnt eggs he had cooked. Now, though, Shirabu would like to say his skills improved quite a bit.

Reon and Kai got up to help Yamagata place the food on the table.

Everyone slowly filled their plates up, and even though Shirabu was eating, he was answering the math problems on his homework as quickly as he could. 

Nobody tried to talk to him, which he was grateful for.

Shirabu was focusing all his attention onto completing his homework, and if someone interrupted him and broke his concentration, he was sure he was going to cry.

Slowly, the time came for everyone to have to go to their first class of the day. 

The minutes leading up to it, Shirabu had felt more and more anxious.

He felt Ushijima tap his shoulder, “It’s time to go, Shirabu.”

Shirabu nodded, quickly gathering up his pencil, eraser, and paper, not even bothering to store them before shoving them into his bag.

He got up, bowing to Ushijima and uttering a simple, “Thank you for helping me, Ushijima-san.”

As Shirabu walked away, going off to his first class- English- he heard Ushijima say, “Anytime, Shirabu.”

____________________________

  
  


Shirabu was currently in Mathematics and screwed.

He hadn’t been able to finish his homework, and now it was time to turn it in.

His teacher, Mr. Ito, was slowly making his way to Shirabu, going down his row.

Shirabu glanced down at his paper then back up at Mr. Ito. There was no way he could finish in time. He had 6 more problems left, and Shirabu felt shame overcome him. 

Mr. Ito finally reached him, raising a brow at Shirabu before holding his hand out, “I see you haven’t finished, Shirabu.” So he had noticed.

Shirabu looked at him nervously, stammering, “Well, uh-” He saw the look on Mr. Ito’s face. “No, I haven’t finished yet.”

Mr. Ito was flat-faced as he said, “Well then it’s late.” Shirabu opened his mouth then closed it. “Now, please, give me your paper.”

Shirabu nodded, wordlessly giving Mr. Ito his incomplete homework.

Shirabu stared blankly at the table, hands clenched into fists. He knew he was going to get a bad grade, and even though it would only be one grade- one tiny insignificant grade- Shirabu still cared. 

The only reason he was so distraught over this was because he knew how his parents would react. They’d be disappointed and pissed, and Shirabu didn’t want to have to deal with that today, but he would have to.

As Shirabu imagined what his parents would say to him, tears filled his eyes. He chewed on his lip before suddenly raising his hand.

He needed to get out of here.

The moment Mr. Ito acknowledged his raised hand he blurted out, “May I use the restroom?”

Mr. Ito sighed before nodding, “Yes, you may go.”

Shirabu stood quickly, swiftly sliding open and closing the door. 

He took deep breaths as he walked down the hall to the bathroom. He was trying not to get bothered, but as each second passed his mind reminded him of all the bad grades, of all his failures. 

He entered the bathroom and went into the stall farthest away from the door.

Now, Shirabu didn’t know why he was so bothered to the point of crying.

He shoved his hand over his mouth as he felt tears fall. 

  
  


He was angry and confused at why he was being so sensitive suddenly. Nothing bad happened today except him turning in incomplete homework, so why,  _ just why _ , why he so worked up over it?

He tried to calm himself, taking deep breaths. Shirabu had to compose himself quickly so that he could get back to class. 

Shirabu stared at the wall as tears dripped down his face, blurring his vision. 

He shakily sighed, pulling out his phone. Shirabu opened his messages and just stared at the contacts list. 

Who would he be able to call?

Everyone was in school right now, and there was no one he could really trust to talk to while he was crying over something so insignificant and silly.

Shirabu tried to regulate his breathing, but it wasn’t working. Every passing moment he could feel himself get more and more panicked, thinking about what his parents would do when they saw his grades.

Since Shirabu was at campus, all they could do is yell at him, but what would happen when he goes to visit them? 

He tried to push those thoughts away- not like his attempts were doing anything- but no matter how hard he tried, they were still there. 

Shirabu chewed on his lower lip before going to wipe at his eyes. He took one final deep breath, forcing his tears back.

He gave himself a few moments to make sure he wasn’t going to cry again, then going to open the stall door.

Shirabu came face to face with Taichi.

Taichi looked worried, brows furrowed as he stared at Shirabu’s red, puffy eyes. It was silent for a minute before Taichi tentatively asked, “Are you okay?”

Shirabu cleared his throat, wiping at his eyes again before saying in the calmest voice he could muster, “Of course I am.” He sniffled a bit. “Don’t worry about me.”

He gave a weak smile to Taichi, going to walk past him before his wrist was grabbed. Shirabu turned back around confused. 

“We need to talk about this, Shirabu.”

Shirabu panicked a bit, voice tight as he said, “I need to get back to class, though.” He was obviously grasping at straws, trying to avoid what happened.

“..” Taichi sighed and let go of his wrist. He looked troubled for once, and Shirabu was starting to feel unsettled by it. “Fine, but we’re talking about this after school at the school dorms.”

Shirabu drew in a shaky breath, “Alright, I’ll be there.” 

“You have to promise you’ll show up, Shirabu.”

“Fine,” Shirabu huffed, starting to feel a little bit back to normal, “I promise.”

Taichi nodded, accepting it, though he still looked a little skeptical, “Good.”

“Uhm- I can go back to class now, right?” Shirabu asked, starting to feel awkward.

“Yes,” Taichi said, watching as Shirabu turned and walked away he called out, “If you don’t show up Ushijima will be mad.”

Shirabu sighed, opening the door and pausing to look and Taichi, “I know.”

He made his way back to Math slowly, wanting to delay having to return.

As he entered the room, that feeling of exhaustion that had been with him the past few days returned. Shirabu just sighed, sitting down at his desk and opening his notebook.

____________________________

  
  
  
  


_ 12:45- Lunch _

Ushijima frowned, glancing up at the clock.

Shirabu hadn’t showed up to lunch yet, and he was getting more worried by the second.

As Semi sat down at the table Ushijima asked, “Have you seen Shirabu today?” He truly was concerned for the boy.

Semi was about to eat some rice, and he just stared at Ushijima for a second, putting his chopsticks down a bit, “No, why?”

Ushijima sighed, “It seems as if Shirabu hasn’t shown up for lunch.”

“Oh.”

“You noticed he didn’t come to the cafeteria, Wakatoshi-kun?” Tendou asked, a wide smile on his face. “That’s so sweet of you.”

Ushijima nodded, “Thank you, Satori.” He looked back at the cafeteria entrance, “I wonder where he is.”

Semi shrugged, “He’s probably going to study or something.”

“Maybe Shirabu doesn’t want to eat with us.” Tendou suggested, going to look at the entrance with Ushijima.

“We shouldn’t worry about it too much.” Semi tried to reason, not seeing any harm in not showing up to lunch, “It’s only one meal.”

“But he passed out on Wednesday.” Ushijima insisted, getting increasingly worried even though he was still flat-faced, “The last thing Shirabu should do right now is skip meals.”

“I’m sure he’ll come soon, Wakatoshi-kun!” Tendou reassured, still having his trademark smile on his face, “If you worry too much you’ll get wrinkles!”

Ushijima just nodded, choosing to ignore the last part of what Tendou said, “I hope he does.”

The time progressed, and it was halfway through lunch when Ushijima stood up unannounced, surprising Tendou and Semi.

“What are you doing?” Semi asked, looking confused. “You aren’t done eating.”

“I am going to find Shirabu.” Ushijima said, already turning around and walking away.

“I’ll come with, Wakatoshi-kun~” Tendou said, happily springing up from his seat before jogging a bit to catch up with Ushijima.

Ushijima just nodded, and they left the cafeteria quickly.

Semi sighed, watching them walk away. He too was worried, but he shoved it down, not wanting the thing that happened yesterday between him and Shirabu to happen again.

____________________________

  
  
  
  


Ushijima and Tendou walked down the hallways urgently.

Lunch was coming to a close and Ushijima wanted to find the boy and make him eat at least a snack.

They had been checking every door, every place that Shirabu could possibly be for a while now, yet they still came up empty-handed.

Tendou’s eyes widened in realization, “Wakatoshi-kun!” A smile grew on Tendou’s face, “I think I know where Shirabu is.”

Ushijima immediately turned to look at Tendou, “Where is he, then?”

“So impatient~” Tendou teased, starting to walk again, causing Ushijima to follow him, “Since he isn’t anywhere he normally would be if he was studying, what’s stopping him from just being in his room?”

Ushijima pondered the possibility for a second before nodding, “Then let us go check.”

They walked down the hallways faster than before, almost jogging at this point, “You must be very worried, Wakatoshi-kun.”

Ushijima nodded, “Of course I am, Satori.” He glanced at Tendou. “He is a teammate and friend of mine.”

Tendou laughed, “I never knew you could be so sweet.”

Ushijima just stared at him for a second before starting to jog, surprising Tendou again. “We should hurry up.”

Tendou smiled, “Of course, Wakatoshi-kun~”

  
  
  


Soon they were back at the dorms. 

Tendou and Ushijima quickly entered, walking down the hall with a sense of urgency, finally reaching Shriabu’s door.

Ushijima knocked on it softly, waiting for a response, “Shirabu, are you in there?”   
  


There was some scuffling before the door opened slightly, and Shirabu’s head poked through a slight crack in the door, “What do you want, Ushijima-san?”

“To eat something for me.” Ushijima said plainly, staring down at Shirabu.

Shirabu froze, not expecting that response, “Well, er- I’m not hungry.” Shirabu mumbled, looking at the floor, “And I need to study.”   
  


Tendou sighed, pulling Shirabu out of his room causing him to squeak, “My dear Shirabu, you need to learn to take better care of yourself.” His trademark smile returned as he wrapped his arms around Shirabu in a teasing manner, causing Shirabu to struggle out of his hold.

“I can take care of myself just fine!” Shirabu snapped, looking annoyed.

“Then eat something.” Ushijima said, staring at Shirabu much more intensely than he had been doing before. “I do not care if it’s a snack, as long as it is something.”

“I-” Shirabu didn’t want to refuse something so simple, “Fine.”

“Great!” Tendou practically sang, going to walk down the hallway, “I’ll make you some strawberries and grapes~”

“You’ll poison them or something.” Shirabu deadpanned, “And I can make my own food!”

Tendou just ignored Shirabu, starting to skip. Entering the kitchen he hummed a song he had heard on the radio once.

Ushijima patted Shirabu on the back, walking ahead of him as he said, “Come on, Shirabu.”

Shirabu just stared for a second, before slowly nodding, starting to walk too, “I’m coming.”

Shirabu didn’t have much time to eat the fruit, but he ate something and that’s all that counts. He sighed as the bell rang, signalling that lunch was over.

As he got up and put his dirty plate in the sink Ushijima said, “Shirabu, we’re going to have a team discussion after school.” 

Shirabu definitely was going to find a way to skip it, “I’ll be there.”

“Good.” was all Ushijima said, going to walk away, Tendou following. “Stay safe.”

“What he said!” Tendou spoke loudly, “And don’t be late~”

Shirabu huffed, “I won’t be!”

Shirabu quickly gathered up his bag, leaving swiftly.

As Shirabu walked to his next class, pondering about what Ushijima told him. Suddenly, it was like a switch was turned on, and Shirabu realized how badly he treated himself.

Shirabu chewed on his lower lip feeling guilty, mainly for getting mad at Semi when he was only concerned for his well being. 

Even though Shirabu had said to himself that he wouldn’t go to the team meeting, he decided he owed it to his team to show up. 

After all, it was only one tiny discussion. 

Right?

____________________________

_ 2:25- Free Period _

If Shirabu had the opportunity to be in any other situation that the one he was in right now, he would take it immediately.

His parents were currently chewing him out.

By chewing him out, he meant a full on pissed off lecture dedicated to degrading him.

This all happened because of his Social Studies test and Mathematics homework- how was it already graded?- that he didn’t do too well on.

Shirabu sighed, interrupting his parents by blurting out, “I know, but it’s only one bad grade.” Every time this happened he never saw what the fuss was about. “It’s not going to affect my grade too badly.”

Apparently that was the wrong move because soon his parents got even more mad at him for interrupting. 

They knew every little way to get Shirabu to feel like he was in the wrong, and it was terrifying.

Shirabu chewed on his bottom lip, staring at the floor. His parents somehow made him feel guilty,  _ again. _

He decided he wasn’t going to interrupt them anymore, not wanting to make the lecture longer.

Finally,  _ finally _ , his parents had decided that they were done degrading him, and now they were going to the part where they compared him to his teammates.

Maybe that was why he was so bitter towards the rest of them.

Shirabu glanced around, making sure no one was watching him or walking down the hallway. He leaned further into the wall, rubbing at his eyes from stress.

_ “You don’t want to know what will happen if you do that again, Shirabu.” His mom said coldly, “Trust me.” _

The call ended.

The clock on his phone told him it was 2:46. 

Shirabu slid down the wall slowly, curling in on himself. He wrapped his arms around his knees as he blankly stared at the floor. 

Shirabu should’ve been used to it by now, but every time it happened he felt the same gut wrenching feeling from when they first lectured him.

He slowly lifted his head, looking up at the ceiling as tears filled his eyes again for the second time that day.

This time, though, they didn’t fall. 

Grumbling something incomprehensible to himself, he shoved his head between his knees, mood already changing from upset to devestated.

Shirabu stayed like that for a while, not bothering to check how much time had passed.

The only reminder that he needed to get to Japanese class was the ringing of the bell, echoing throughout the hallways and classrooms.

Shirabu ignored it, staying in that position.

As he took a deep breath Shirabu finally made up his mind.

He got up slowly, trudging down the hallways, going to find his destination.

Shirabu again was looking at all the accomplishments of the school- awards and whatnot-, reminding himself of what he could never do.

Shirabu finally found an exit, and he opened the door immediately. He felt cold air brush against his face, refreshing him.

He was going for a walk.

Shirabu knew he should be in class, knew that he would also have to eventually go back to the dorms.

But he couldn’t face anyone like this.

Shirabu wasn’t going to swallow his pride so suddenly. He felt too vulnerable like this.

As he walked down the street he admired the scenery. 

At first all Shirabu saw was Shiratorizawa Academy, but as he continued to make his way down the street he saw beautifully decorated buildings.

Shirabu knew that farther down the road there was a large park.

It wasn’t the kind where kids play on swing sets and slides, enjoying their youth, but instead an urban park.

The park had a beautiful garden that Shirabu loved to look at when he was stressed.

Shirabu sighed, starting to regret not wearing a jacket with his uniform. The chilly air was causing goosebumps to rise on his arms.

Still, though, Shirabu continued his trek down the road, determined to admire the flowers in the garden.

Shiratorizawa had its own garden, but it was nothing compared to the garden at this park. The sheer size of the lovely flowers outmatched any other garden.

Shirabu reached the gate to the park, and as he pushed it open it creaked.

He made his way to the garden, looking around as he did so.

Soon he saw the garden entrance, and he felt the nervousness and sadness that was weighing him down lighten up a bit.

Shirabu cracked a smile, bending down to touch some. The petals were soft, and the flowers themself smelled fresh.

“I feel better already..” Shirabu mumbled to himself, smiling wider as he admired all the plants.

  
  


____________________________

  
  
  
  


Everyone was worried.

Semi was biting his nails, frowning, “He should’ve been back by now.”

Goshiki spoke up, “Well..” He trailed off, looking at the wall with guilt. “I saw him leaving.”

“And you didn’t tell us?” Semi asked, looking angry. “I can’t believe-”

Tendou stopped him from saying anything, “I didn’t know you were so observant, Goshiki.” He was obviously only teasing him to lighten the mood. 

“Do you know where he went?” Yamagata asked, tapping his fingers against the couch as he waited for a response.

Goshiki shook his head, “I couldn’t follow him..”

“Why?” Semi asked, still not ready to give up the fact Goshiki hadn’t said anything sooner. He was practically staring daggers at him.

Goshiki chuckled nervously, “Well- I was late for class and I didn’t want to get in even more trouble.”

Reon tried to calm everyone down, reassuring them, “Shirabu will be fine on his own.” 

Ushijima nodded, trying to relax and convince himself that Reon was right, “I suppose if we don’t know where Shirabu went, all we can do is wait.”

  
  
  


____________________________

  
  
  


_ 5:37- Discussion Time _

Shirabu had stayed in the garden longer than expected.

He stood up slowly, back and knees popping from his crouching for so long to admire the flowers. 

Shirabu stretched his arms and yawned. All the stress and commotion that he went through today caused him to feel exhuasted.

As he left the garden Shirabu was assaulted with new emotions. 

The distraction that was the flowers were gone now, and Shirabu was forced to think about what happened today. 

His thoughts wandered back to what happened in Mathematics and his conversation with Taichi. Shirabu had promised him that he would be there after school to talk about what’s been going on with him lately, and here he was.

In the park.

Shirabu felt guilt swallowing him whole, but he tried to push the feeling to the back of his mind.

He left the park as quickly as he could, thinking that if he got there sooner that he wouldn’t be in as much trouble.

Walking down the sidewalk Shirabu inhaled the icy air. 

Everything seemed dull, even after his much needed break from everything with the flowers. Shirabu supposed that it was from the feeling of impending doom.

He sped up, starting to feel that tightness in his chest again- seriously why does it always happen?   


Shirabu huffed, jogging now. 

He wondered how his teammates were right now. When he got back would they be worried or angry?

Shirabu had no idea.

He just had to hope that their emotions wouldn’t be too severe.

Shirabu started sprinting as the Shiratorizawa Academy building came into view. He panted a bit as he entered the gates quickly, turning right to get to the dorm area quicker.

None of the students were really supposed to go off path on the campus, but it wasn’t enforced. Only really strongly encouraged by the principal and staff.

Shirabu realized that his shoes were getting muddy- but when had it rained?

The school must’ve watered the grass today.

As Shirabu stepped on the outside path that joined the dorms and school together he wiped his feet off on the cement.

He walked up the tiny stairs, opening the dorms entrance.

Shirabu wiped his shoes off again on the entry mat, walking to his specific common area.

The dorms were divided into common areas that multiple students shared, which seemed unnecessary to Shirabu, but the school claimed it ‘helped students branch outwards and make more friends.’

As he entered the common area Shirabu took off his shoes, seeing all his team members gathered around on the couches.

Shirabu stood there for a second, feeling extremely awkward, finally mumbling, “I’m back..?”

Everyone was staring at him now, and Shirabu started to fiddle with his hands.

“Where were you?” Ushijima asked, curious. At least he didn’t look angry.

“Well- you know that park down the block?” Shirabu started, waiting for the others' responses.

Ushijima, Tendou, and Reon all nodded.

“How-” Shirabu went to say, questioning how only 3 other people knew about it before stopping himself, “I went there.”

Semi made a weird noise in the back of his throat, confused, “Why would you go to the  _ park _ ?”

“There’s a park?” Goshiki asked at the same time, confused but for a different reason.

“Not the time..” Kai hissed, elbowing Goshiki in the stomach.

Goshiki nodded, still confused though.

“The garden, uhm, it helps me relax.” Shirabu reasoned, “And, well, I felt really stressed and I didn’t feel comfortable talking about certain things..” He trailed off, mumbling the last part, wringing his hands out now.

Reon nodded, “Well, that’s valid.” He glanced at Semi before looking back at Shirabu, “But please let us know ahead of time.”

“I’ll try.” was all Shirabu responded with, keeping his eyes glued on the floor.

It was silent again for a moment before Tendou broke the silence, “Well sit down then!” He patted the couch cushion next to him. “We still need to talk.”

Shirabu wordlessly walked over to one of the couches, sitting at the empty spot near Tendou. He felt nervous about what was going to come next. 

“So,” Shirabu started, pausing a moment, “What are we talking about?” He was only trying to delay the inevitable at this point.

“We’re going to talk about your mental and physical health, Shirabu.” Ushijima said, unaware of what he was doing to Shirabu's emotions.

“Right-” Shirabu mumbled, wringing his hands harder, eyes still trained on the floor as he accepted his fate.

It was silent again.

“I’ll just say it.” Yamagata sighed, rubbing his face. “What’s been up with you lately, Shirabu?”

“..” Shirabu didn’t say anything for a moment, not expecting to be asked that immediately, “Well, I’ve just been stressed?” 

“That’s not all though.” Yamagata said, flat-faced and clearly not dealing with Shirabu’s horrible attempts at stalling.

“Finals are like, really close,” Shirabu said, staring at the clock now, “so I guess I’m stressed about that.”

“What do you mean, ‘I guess’?” Semi asked, giving Shirabu an incredulous look.

Shirabu huffed, crossing his arms like a child, “I’ve just been stressed lately.” He glanced at Semi. “Seriously, that’s it.”

“If I remember correctly you passed out from malnutrition and exhaustion.” Tendou stated, staring at Shirabu with such an intense look that he shivered. “Which means something else is going on, right?”

Shirabu opened and closed his mouth, avoiding eye contact with any of his team members by still staring at the  _ dumb _ clock. “I’ve been getting a lot of calls from my parents lately.” 

“And?” Goshiki asked, confused. It seemed as if he was always confused now.

“My parents aren’t the nicest people.” Shirabu snapped, feeling bitter. “They’re just-” He stopped himself again, “Nevermind.”

“Continue, Shirabu.” Ushijima was just staring at him, waiting patiently.

Shirabu sighed, finally deciding to admit the truth, “My parents call me when they think I get a bad grade,” He rubbed his eyes, feeling exhausted, “And they just get so mad. Like, I mean this in the worst way possible.”

“What do they do?” Ushijima questioned, resting his head in his hand.

“I don’t know- they yell at me and threaten me and shit,” Shirabu took a deep breath, “And when I go home they-” He stopped himself. “I’m not talking about this anymore.”

“What do your parents do when you go home?” Semi asked, suddenly straightening up and sensing where this was going.

Shirabu kept his mouth shut, staring at the floor and keeping his arms crossed stubbornly, “I told you I’m not talking about this anymore.”

“This is important, though!” Semi said, a look of confusion and worry clouding over his face. “Do your parents-”

He was interrupted by Ushijima, “I will respect your boundaries, Shirabu.” He went to stand up, glancing at Semi, “And I will advise that the rest of you do so too.”

Tendou nodded, not smiling for once, “Trust is important in a team, after all.” He too stood up, copying Ushijima while giving Shirabu a pat on the back.

Shirabu was glaring at the floor, fists clenched together hard and nails digging into the flesh of his palm, “Yeah,  _ Semi _ .”

“I-” Semi stopped himself, forcing himself to relax. “I’m sorry.”

Shirabu just nodded, chewing on his bottom lip as he stood up, deciding the best option was just to drop it. Eyes trained on the floor he mumbled, “I’m just going to go.”

He rushed away, head down.

Shirabu could feel the eyes of his teammates trained on him as he walked down the hallway, as he entered his room. 

But he was too preoccupied with other issues right now to care about what his teammates were thinking or feeling

He took a deep breath, feeling too stressed out to function properly

At least he didn’t have homework, otherwise he would have definitely been done for.

Not even bothering to change, Shirabu plopped down on his bed, laying back against the pillows.

It was too early to go to sleep, it only being 6:11, but that didn’t mean Shirabu couldn’t try.

He wouldn’t be able to do anything but stare at his walls anyways, not having the energy nor the attention span right now to do anything but breathe and lay down.

Shirabu’s eyes fluttered shut, trying his best to ignore his feelings and just relax.

His breathing slowly evened out, and soon Shirabu found himself in the clutches of sleep’s warm and gentle grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter wasn't the best  
> it's my first time ever writing something so long  
> also it hasn't been proof read too many times so  
> also sorry for the inconsistent writing style?  
> im experimenting with them since it's my first time making a fic so hhh
> 
> UPDATE:  
> hello everyone i'm sorry i haven't updated in a month or something idk  
> im having trouble even finding motivation to even get out of bed rn so please bear with me  
> i'm working on the next chapter but it's only a little filler with some tension building so ? ? ?  
> i'll try to get it done quicker i just dont want people who might want to read it not get disappointed or wait really long and get frustrated at lack of uploads hhhhhhh <3

**Author's Note:**

> lol first fic ever written


End file.
